I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
