I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I checked into jail on foursquare
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
