Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
