I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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