I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
