Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
