The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
