laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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