I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
