it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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