I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Less talking, more tequila
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
