Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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