your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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