the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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