If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
