life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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