i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
