It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
