I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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