He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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