I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I cockslap morals
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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