remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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