Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
