i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize