She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
