She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
