i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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