Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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