Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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