We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
