There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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