In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
