at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.