please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.