you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago