I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!