Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
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We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?