Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
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And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
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You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick