Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.

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  (813): This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along. http://tfl.nu/9dyn
  Replies (22) Good night (4489) Bad night (527)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  The one in Montpelier?

  (802): View more from Vermont

  yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.

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  (802): You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns? (1-802): The one in Montpelier? (802): yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed. http://tfl.nu/hzcv
  Replies (53) Good night (420) Bad night (2163)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.

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  (303): I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment. http://tfl.nu/lu2o
  Replies (11) Good night (3464) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.

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  (812): Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up. http://tfl.nu/ner1
  Replies (17) Good night (659) Bad night (2970) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?

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  (661): how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth? http://tfl.nu/fdur
  Replies (45) Good night (737) Bad night (3624) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.

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  (970): I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?" (763): Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka. http://tfl.nu/xe07
  Replies (10) Good night (3408) Bad night (704)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.

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  (870): Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/xv3v
  Replies (30) Good night (3787) Bad night (1238) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.

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  (702): And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now. http://tfl.nu/so7u
  Replies (7) Good night (729) Bad night (3198) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.

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  (780): Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it. http://tfl.nu/82ee
  Replies (8) Good night (2453) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.

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  (812): After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything. http://tfl.nu/te7o
  Replies (8) Good night (1299) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.

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  (660): On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics. http://tfl.nu/mn1y
  Replies (24) Good night (2536) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.

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  (847): I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying. http://tfl.nu/v59j
  Replies (4) Good night (1121) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
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  (409): View more from Texas

  My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.

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  (409): My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty. http://tfl.nu/rx6s
  Replies (2) Good night (634) Bad night (176) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good

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  (508): Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good http://tfl.nu/obpt
  Replies (10) Good night (663) Bad night (239) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes

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  (407): I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes http://tfl.nu/re4k
  Replies (4) Good night (510) Bad night (260)

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