Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my being single is dangerous.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
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I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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