my mouth tastes like poor choices
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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