I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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