no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize