The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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