Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
