i just google imaged poop.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
