I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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