So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
