It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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