Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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