??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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