Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
