U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
