I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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