I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he thought i was a dude.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
