dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
