..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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