We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
