Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
