apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
