I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
