Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
