Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
