when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
